You have it all now! You’ve done what no one else could ever do! And yet you’re so much *more*, than any idea of you. That you hold. That’s the best part! You’ve already scored A pluses on life in your chosen role. And yet there’s this whole untapped iceberg beneath the tip! I see it! Well, I see parts of it! And it’s big!! You’re idea of you isn’t in what other people think. If you were ever to go a different way, and they talk garbage, you’d laugh it off. Because you know who you are. You do! Deep down inside. And there is such a power in that. I swear people feel it about you. And they stop messing with you for that reason. Once the cat is out of the bag, this cat has got other places to be, and other things to be doing. You’re always a step ahead. You have your own reasons. Oh, the majesty of you. You’re sunshine on a cloudy day, as they say. You don’t look down. You’re too busy looking up. And people melt around you and dream of being your friend. It’s such a nice dream to have. Can you think of a better one? I can’t. The world is so much bigger than the thoughts in our heads. So you learn to put them aside once in a while, and remember the beauty of your breath. Whether the air is dirty or clean, you’ll find a place serene. You’re a goddess. But you know that already. A goddess is a mythological idea. You’re the real thing. You possess that energy. You’re golden. You’re smoldering. You’re so suitable for beholding, but the person taking you in has to walk away for fear of losing his marbles. Like the one who goes blind by staring at the sunlight too long. Darkness has its place, too, after all. It balances. “Go away, so I can miss you,” somebody says. It’s always coming and going with you. You’re east, and then you’re west. You struggle, and then you’re the best. You find yourself again. You always do. In a circle of love, it comes in from all directions for you. You’re in good company. Take a moment to steal away to that place inside of you. Where outside fears are removed. You’re made of earth. You like things solid. You’re always self-purifying. You like order and analyzing. But save a place for things that can’t be so easily classified. Make a box for the unexplained, and fill it with your hope and beauty. Paint it colors of the rainbow, and spray on some sparkles, and don’t forget the little girl in you who could get lost in make-believe. And it’s so funny. Because dreams have been coming true around me. Whether it’s money or the wishing of the attention of somebody for so long. You find you get them. It’s all here. Those things you were dreaming of just a few short years ago. And instead of enjoying them, you barely even register them. You’re already on to something else. Why hasn’t *she* said hello? And that “you” from the past knocks on your door and says, “What the hell is going on?? I dreamed of all these things in 2017, and, by God, each one has come true! Even that girl! She wants you. And yet you’re suffering because you chose some other dream that didn’t come true. Well, what’s the use. Maybe you don’t deserve what you get, if that’s how you’re going to be about it!” Are you glass half full, or glass half empty. So you try to pick yourself up and make something out of spiritually. I’ve figured it out, you say! Love starts as an intellectual concept, then it becomes love, but it’s selfish, really, when you get to the heart of it. And then you achieve the ultimate: that unselfish love. “Unconditional,” we call it. So you want to brag about it that way. You’ll have your kids and age decades, but look at this guy over here. Do you notice him? He still loves you and doesn’t ask of you a thing! And just by thinking that, you realize how selfish you still are. There’s still a goal attached. And you realize you have to let it go. It’s hard when you love someone so much it hurts like that. That loneliest feeling in all the world. That one of looking at that someone inside a bubble and you’re not allowed inside. That standing out on a winter’s night in the cold feeling. Looking in a window, where there is the warmth of a fire, and there she is, with all the ones she holds dear, and you’re not to be a part of that. Oh, that’s the worst feeling in the world. Like being the last one picked in gym class. And yet, there are other bubbles going on. We’re all in our bubbles. Where you are invited inside! Beautiful people, too! No more or less important in the whole scheme of things than any other bubble going on! And yet you’re focused on this one that won’t let you in. Maybe it’s a psychological thing. This wanting what you can never have. “Be careful what you wish for!” someone says. “You just might get it.” And, then, what would you do? You’re sure in this case it would be your greatest dream come true. But you’re not getting there. The bubble is even moving farther away from you. There was a psychiatrist who had a patient who lived in a total illusion, and when asked why she didn’t pull her out of it, she answered, “I don’t want to ruin it for her.” Some people can’t handle the truth. But when you finally accept it, you feel that pain, and instead of going around it, you go through. It’s the only way to do it. You feel it, and by now it’s easier. You say, “I’ve felt you before. You’re like an old friend. I know you’re taking me to somewhere better.” You learn from the pain. You grow. Are you really ever growing when there’s superficial joy, and things are status quo? Or is that just covering your bases, and looking for security over love, to allay your deepest fears? There must be order to everything. And an awful lot of analyzing. Settling, but not calling it that. Because the world is something not really to be trusted. Better to keep what you got, than to risk and have regret. This holding on tightly with fear of letting go, as if it will all blow away the moment you remove your grip. Only to find there’s this new lightness that comes with it, and saying, Go if you must. I trust the world. I trust the divine. If something is meant to be, let it find me, and not the other way around. And now you’re light on your feet. Again! Oh, that happy-go-lucky me I talked about. It’s my favorite me to be! The taking of something heavy and turning it into a joke. The joke is on me. And creating a shared laugh, instead of ‘woe is me.’ It’s all not so serious, really. Don’t think you don’t have power. Dreams you dreamed have come true! And yet our minds have moved on to other things. Like planting that seed you so wanted to bloom. And now it has! And you only half-notice because your eyes are on another plant that has demanded your attention, and has got your heart all wrapped up in it. When you can just love everything. Picking through the lessons. I guess I’m learning, after all. Don’t stand outside a window in the cold while there are other homes so warmly inviting you to enter. Some people thought that lyric, “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with,” was the most horrendous lyric ever written! But you can kinda see the wisdom of it when put this way. Why put yourself in that pain of standing before locked doors, when somebody loves you and is almost begging you to enter. You might find your heart warms to the idea. There are so many bubbles. We’re all in our little bubbles. None any greater or less important than the other, really. So you loved somebody. It’s that stuff that makes the world go round. Everybody does it. You can do it without holding on. You learn so much more through the pain than you ever would from the joy, if you had gotten every wish you ever wanted without hardly giving it a thought at all. This is how you grow. And maybe you’re not so far away from that ultimate goal of unselfish love. Where your own desire is not so much a part of it. Not that “I’ll love you forever,” with an invisible *but* after it, or *except-if* attached. If you cheat on me, or you get too fat, or any of that. You can feel that wonderful love for someone when it’s obvious nothing will ever come of it at all. When there’s no holding on. No fear of letting go of your grip of it, for fear it will float away. It’s already gone. And yet the love is still here. It’s all around. I feel it now. I’m so happy I got to love you. You taught me what it really is. For all my faults and bullsh*t. When the words were especially rosy and beaming, you helped me spot the imperfections in it, and remove them with a microscopic set of tweezers. So I could get to something purer. Something closer to the truth. And maybe in doing all that work, be someone worthy of being a friend to you – someday, but of course never expecting it to come through. Because that would be something else appended to it of some desired resolution. Another if/then equation. So if it were all to end today, and that giant piano from the sky fell on my head, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Loving without holding on is the best feeling. Sometimes the best feelings have their share of pain. It’s something realer than you’ve ever experienced. And you know you’re coming out someone better than the person you used to be beforehand. What more could you ask for? And there’ll be joy again. Even today! There’s so much to appreciate. All these dreams you once dreamed before that have quietly come true. Seeds you had once planted and forgotten about that have bloomed. Take it all in. She’s in everything, anyway! She’s had such an effect on you. Honor her memory by being someone she would want to know. In the way you treat others. In the joy that you bring. In the laughter that you share. We’re all coming and going, anyway. Love the fact that you’re here. Life is all champagne bubbles! Even if you don’t drink anymore! Some will pop! Some will float away. Some will hover all about you. You look at it all objectively. From that place that is beyond the thoughts you’re thinking. Isn’t it all so beautiful? What a spectacular dance! I could have searched the entire world! Looking under every rock and surveying every corner! I could have never cast anyone more splendorous than you! Ever! To play the part of the unrequited love! That most beautiful girl in the world. It was written for you. There’s such beauty in the show. What a privilege to be here. That difference between having and beholding. You’re so perfect right where you are. Oh, let me get a look at you!! I always knew you were the shining-est star! Thank you for proving me right. You know I don’t like being wrong on these things! But there’s no worry of that. You’re a goddess. You shine almost twice as brightly from afar! You have a way of doing that. Never lose sight of who you are, and all your magnificent power. You can let go of your grip and magic will find you. With your gravitational pull, all beautiful things come to you! It’s not the other way around. You’re shining. All the time, and all the while. You’re so much greater than even your conception of you. As big as that is, you’re even bigger! You’ll never limit yourself to any outcomes. You’re a creator. And I’m just one of countless examples of your reach. You took someone flawed, and turned him into someone better. May you always feel the love you generate. Like igniting particles all around you! These fireflies all about you! Lighting the nighttime sky. All this love for you. May it carry you on the days where you ever doubt yourself. It could have only been you, after all. ❤️  

*Todd DeMartinis is a writer who wrote a book of gushing prose about a woman (“THERE SHE IS!!”), a love unrequited, and his reward has been a wild turkey attempting to move in and pick out curtains (see previous post). His epitaph will read, “Here lies Todd. In the end, he was loved by a turkey. Gobble on that for a while.” And the stoner kids standing over it will say with profound reverence, “Whoa … That’s some *deep* sh*t, man. … Hey, wait. This isn’t Todd Rundgren’s grave. Oh, wow, we’re f&*king lost, dude.” And in that moment looking over, I’ll know lives were touched forever.*  

Happy Tuesday!! ☀️ I got some new video coming! I mean like beyond Jakey rolling in the grass (as awesome as that is!) and wild turkeys and bunnies (as awesome as that is, too!). 

You’re beautiful! Always! Never forget it! Yay!!!! 🥰 Life is beautiful, too!! And, Go Celts!! (Apologies to Lakers or Heat or Clippers or Nuggets fans!!)  🍀  

It’s a brand-new day!! Woo-hoo!!! So excited to see what you’ll do!! 

🌟  !!