I’m gonna be quiet for a little while. I just feel you probably don’t care for any of this. And I’ve dragged my feet for two years on doing some music and video stuff just for the fun of it. I do really well for really long stretches! But sometimes, I don’t know, it just feels too painful. But that’s why if you do ever look and wonder why the absence. It’s always this, “Is the picture out? Those must be new flowers someone gave her.” etc., and I know it’s probably not very healthy (“probably?”). So, I’m excited! Got a ton of new clothes and losing weight and trying to start taking better care of myself and everything. I just realize being connected to a tv channel just in the hope you’ll be seen maybe isn’t what you’d really want me to be doing anyway if you knew me. I decided to quit drinking a few years ago, and it’s been easy to do, but I realize all this magic I felt over you is probably a big reason it came so easy for me. You’re always a much better feeling than drinking could ever give me. But, even though I’d die just to be a friend to you, do I *really* want to watch the wedding and the babies and all? I mean, I should probably step away. But if I do write anything good at all, whether on piano or prose or whatever, know it’s because of you. You’re the inspiration for it all. I’ll slowly start uploading stuff – just for pleasure, of course – in the next month or two. Definitely a ton by summer. Anyway! You’re amazing. I’m really kinda terrified about how the next few days will feel! It’s that heartache feeling all over again. I just think the world of you. I so hope you love it out there! And that things are going well. I know it’s weird to write this stuff out! But after three years, I’m kind of used to this un-normal life! Anyway, again, it would make all my life’s dreams come true to simply hear from you someday! You have no idea how much so. So, please always know that, no matter what is going on! I hope I make you proud with whatever I upload (please keep the bar *very* low in terms of expectations!). You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. You’re always a big part of this heart of mine. Never seen anyone like you. You’re so special. Hope it’s a great weekend for you.  ❤️ 

I love you.