All it seems to take is one thought, some memory of rejection, or of an embarrassment, or of knowing you are now “unliked,” to bring you, when in a vulnerable, tired state, into that abyss. 

First off, it might bring you some comfort to know you are not alone. Millions upon millions of others are feeling just as you do. The memories may be different specifically, but it’s all the same. You’re not alone.

Sometimes that knowledge can uplift spirits, at least a bit. 

Also remember how powerful your thoughts are. You could be entertaining so many different ideas in your mind right now – actually limitless things. But, you’re letting one or a group of thoughts enter your mental atmosphere that are negative. The world around you is going about its way, some in positive states of mind, others carrying similar burdens as you, but your thoughts that are clouding your mind are specific to only you. Remember when you’re truly in one of those days where the sun is shining within you, you don’t even care what others are thinking of you! 

Here’s the thing: The thought alone is powerless. But, when it connects to the feeling you allow within you – the one you feel tangibly as a gnawing cloud taking over your body, you’ve given birth to a child. You’ve given it life. 

And, like a child, it will hover for food and nurturing now that it’s born. And, that food is all the sadness of feeling, the sickness, the despair, the cringing. Now, it is a form. If you are in that sad state now, if you allow yourself to really examine it objectively, you might agree that this analogy holds some real truth.

Fighting with it only seems to give it strength. 

If no amount of struggling or therapy or pharma has helped you, this advice from an idiot, as outright silly as might sound, may prove of some relief. …

If you just try it. …

Perhaps the most powerful, if you are of a praying sort, is just that. But, here’s what might be equally powerful. If you don’t believe in some greater consciousness external to you, get on your knees literally, and just aim the “prayer” into yourself. Into the deepest part of You. Really try it, if you are feeling a deep sense of inner despair. 

On your knees, head bowed, and speak to the deepest part of yourself. It will be whatever words you speak aloud or silently, but, for the sake of example, something like … when on your knees and head bowed (silly perhaps, but make sure you do this when nobody is looking, if you’ve indeed read this far and you’re in such pain) … “I don’t know why I am feeling so concerned with this memory, or of what anyone thinks of me. But, I’m sorry for my part of it, and for all my personal frailties. But, I do know I am worthy of love, and I forgive myself and this memory. And, I give back to it all the love in my heart that I can simply carry on and be the best person I can be, flawed as I am, going forward.” 

It can be something like that, or whatever it is. You might find yourself talking for hours, on your knees, head down, praying it deep into yourself, if you’re not one to pray outwardly.

The thought or the memories have no power of themselves. But, when attached to the sadness and melancholy you allow your body to take on, it breathes life from the thought. Again, like a child you have borne. It will only take on more life, and you will be dragged deeper into the depression, if you give it life by feeding it, by spinning it over and over, by giving yourself over to it. You will eventually come out perhaps, hours or days later, but why torture yourself in such a way? 

Monsters love to be fought. 

John Lennon said, in an entirely different context, this gem:

“When it gets down to having to use violence, then you are playing the system’s game. The establishment will irritate you – pull your beard, flick your face – to make you fight. Because once they’ve got you violent, then they know how to handle you. The only thing they don’t know how to handle is non-violence and humor.”

Add in Neitzsche’s advice:

““Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss … the abyss gazes also into you.”

It also applies to the monsters born inside us – especially so! So, don’t fight the fire with fire. Or, the sword with a sword. 

The secret is monsters lose their power when you speak gently to them, and even dare to say “I love you” to them in an effort to make peace and understand them. That prayer you aim on your knees – your praying in to the deepest part of yourself that is your very Source of Life – might … just might … leave you feeling free of it.

Then, make a cup of tea, or go dance in the rain. 

You’re loved. And, for what it’s worth, nobody knows but you this inner universe of feeling unloved. They only know when you let the child borne of the emotion spill into all your outer dealings.

So, take care of you. It doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. Your deepest part of you wants the past to be just that: Past. Done. Fini.

If there is such a thing of reincarnation, perhaps it would be a gift of sorts. The erasing of all memory, so the consciousness can trek again, and make, well, .. newer mistakes! 

Let it be the gift of reincarnation for you right here. Pray whatever memory is bothering you into yourself, on your knees, and give it the love and attention it deserves so it can feel better. Make your own peace. 

The world is waiting for you. It needs you. And, you are loved. No matter what you have done, remembered or not remembered. We are all flawed personalities and egos and intellects. But, the deeper part of you is love itself. 

Believe it. Because if you quietly look for it, you see it operating underneath the tumult. 

At the very least, know you are not alone.