There she is! Okay, so you really don’t sit here watching all day! You of course wish you knew her – so maybe you could get some secret “in!” Like “Look for me at 2:10!” Or 1:44! Or whatever the case may be! So you use your intuition. My use of it is flawed. Like an amateur Jedi trying to figure out his saber (a daring metaphor as I know she’s never seen Star Wars!), instead of looking the part of a knight it’s all this fumbling around. But now I *know* intuition is real! Because when I was using it best, all this amazing stuff was revealed. And when I doubted it, my spirits went down. And I posted the silliest things, like a puppy dog who had been turned around from the door. Like when I have to take away whatever Jake has found – in the backyard. That face of my hound. When there is never a look to be found. I made all these mistakes. Thankfully not in my behavior, but in self-pitying things said. But, there she is! In that blouse and her jeans – oh my Lord! And her smile – this is the best part ever – today they had two screens! So you got to just watch her – to simply take her in! – for what felt like forever on end!! While a tasting test went on to the left! And you hope it takes about a decade to decide! All the more time to just take in the amazement she provides! In the old days (yes, daring to insert an “in the old days” here as if this has gone on since time-out-of-mind), my self-esteem would dip. She’s so beautiful! She’s *so* beautiful! Most any one would think: What am I thinking? But those days feel over! It’s something sweet. With no expectation! You used to say it, and you mostly meant it. But now you *inhabit* it! She’s magic. On a cloudy cool day, but all you feel is sun. That smile of hers it lasts for days, long after the image has gone away! You keep it inside. She’s the most beautiful woman who has ever been. …

She’s so at home! It’s so natural to her. It’s kind of like when people meet someone famous while they’re still rising up. And she’s always rising! It’s what she does! And people reflect on the memory of it and say, “Do you realize who that was??” Because everything is at one level, and she’s a giant step higher. All else is a backdrop that her love sets afire. I know I’m not the only one who falls for her. Others have eyes, too, I know. Her laugh is so gentle and so warm. A consecrated view. She’s forgiving, she’s patient, she makes you feel at home. It’s a lovely and so-needed quality that counteracts the nerves – not in that coffee I’ve since let go – but those that arise when in her presence. You’re witnessing greatness, she’s someone very special, but she doesn’t let you feel that way. She keeps it all down, near the ground. Keeping it real. But if she were to let go of you, you’d float up like a balloon untethered. She fills you with all her magic and her dreaminess – and you rise! You’re looking at sky now! She’s the most beautiful girl in the world. Woman, too! But on days like today, there’s no mistaking her youthfulness. Her very special charm. She’s a headliner, and she’s drawn lines around mine. She leaves you in a spell, cast from her well, and you’re left to only guess the depths. How deep does it go? I don’t know. But it’s the source of her wonder, this wonder that arrives through her eyes. In the old days you’d feel a million feelings – from exhilaration to doubt – but now it’s all wonder. Oh, this wondrous wonder! And you don’t think at all! She’s the greatest meditation. When the mantra is her beauty. You silently mouth “wow” – you always do. But now at least you remember to breathe! Because a meditation on her allows in feelings everything regular won’t allow. This gentleness that pervades your heart, and then extending out. Whatever was important a moment before loses its allure. She provides a heavenly timeout. Outside of time, this soothing respite. And you are replenished and recharged. And you feel, through all the lessons, through all the growing, you’ve mastered something. You let go of any thoughts that were there before, and you are left with simply mindfulness, as you take in the one you adore. Any thought can wait. Why spoil it now? You live for these moments that go beyond your inner chatter. Because she’s so much bigger than all of that! Bigger than your delusions of grandeur – well, at least in those moments you have some! And bigger than any self doubt. Greater than any concern for tomorrow, or thoughts of what’s to come. It would be like flipping to the last page of a novel when this page is so gripping! All her pages are. Filled with love and no misgivings. She’s the book you love most of all! In truth, it’s the only one you read. At night it stands in your most prominent place, treasured atop your highest shelf. When tucked under your blankets in the dark you shine a light on it across the room. And there she is! There it is. That look of hers! That book of hers. And your heart is warm. She’s safe. In the day you keep it tucked to your chest, zipped beneath your jacket. On your long walk home from school, your fingers thumbing through it. Close to your heart. All these marks inside, and underlines! And notes in the margins. More than a few drawn hearts and *her initials + yours!* There’s an innocent hopefulness. And you don’t feel the wind blowing so hard. You only notice it when it blows through your pages. And as it does, you look back upon the chapters, all these pages worn through use. No need for a new copy. All the love is permeated through. This one. Finger prints from when you didn’t realize you were perspiring! A page unconsciously gripped and folded when taking in her view! In her book. She writes it. It’s authored by her. And you keep finding something new! As eyeglasses slide down your nose, you push them back up and sniffle. The cold winds are blowing today! Perhaps a tear or two has fallen through. Rolling over ink they serve to magnify the words as they do. It’s the most special book you’ve ever had. This great work of hers. It’s not a boy-gets-girl story, as far as you can tell. That’s too formula, and she’s too magical for that. It’s a story filled with wonder. A tale of her love. It’s a book you inhabit, because she takes you into her worlds! I’m a pirate! I’m a ship’s captain! I’m Cyrano with my Italian nose – I’d forgotten he was French! Whispering my love for her, it flows with such passion from my pen, all while never dreaming of being a someone that she chose. But what a story it is! What a grand, adventurous tale! It wouldn’t be the same without the love, though. That’s the most important ingredient. It’s what makes it so grand. The magic of her book. A book that doesn’t really even need a story. It doesn’t really even need the words. It’s just the place where you go to feel at one with her – at least in some little way – while your glasses slip down your nose. ❤️  

…

PS: I remember in the Beatles Anthology there was a girl interviewed with a Liverpudlian accent, standing outside the Cavern Club, and she was weeping, in actual full-blown tears, over the perceived loss of her favorite band: “They were *ours!* And now they belong to the world!” Perhaps adding in a “but we knew them first!” It was the idea that they played this little club before they became super huge, so there was this intimacy with the fans. They could interact. But now it had gotten so big that the girl was voicing the feelings that she had lost them. And somehow a bit of the magic. … How is it possible that someone who is already the most magical person on earth … get more magical? The most beautiful by miles … get more beautiful? She’s already set the bar so absurdly high. Isn’t there a ceiling somewhere? But that’s yet another part of why you’re so enthralled! She shows you in a million ways there’s no limit on her love. No barriers in her sky. Reds and blues – and powder blue!! *sigh!!!* This rapture that occurs when witnessing her. It happens every time. That’s what she does! This is what I do! So I can empathize with that girl standing outside the Cavern Club after losing her Beatles to the stratosphere. After all, I do a really good Liverpudlian accent, and she is on a Beatle-esque rise! But instead of weeping like that girl, there’s just all this joy! This happiness! Because it’s not a surprise. She is *made* to be that shining light, that one who shines so very bright. It’s just my job to adore. 🔥❤️ And I do my part so well! If this were all a play and they were casting roles, I’d say, “Oh, I want to play this guy! This enigma of a guy who simply lives to adore her!!!” *That’s* the part to play! I’d skip right past all the “bigger” parts! This is the one to play! If not a role with Oscar written all over it, it’s got hers! If she were playing ball on the field (apologies for the sports analogy), I’d be her biggest cheerleader, her greatest fan, imploring passionately from the stands! Her friend to her side would say, “Who is that??” and in utter embarrassment she covers her face, saying, “I don’t know!” But maybe somewhere deep down, she’s kinda like “I like this guy.” Who knows? So when I think of all the roles I could play, this one is really nice. Because it fits in so effortlessly with what I feel in my soul. Instead of crying “I was here first! These others have to go!” it’s a more an uplifting feeling of, “Hey, world! I told ya so!!” She’s the most marvelous person I’ve ever seen! She was made to be the show. Every time you suspect there’s a ceiling, she just bursts right through. The eyes always move to her. She captures hearts as she goes. She’s the dream, and she works through mine. It’s where I can find her all the time. … Happy weekend!!! Your light shines! ✨💛🌞