My old friend. My soulmate. You got old too soon. Too fast. My heart is breaking. Expecting to see you around the corner. What will I do without you? What is left for me? It physically hurts to breathe. Every part of me is torn out. Every part of me is gone. The only thing left is pain that pushes out from inside the shell of me. The tears haven’t stopped. They never will. I’ve stopped trying to wipe them away. The only sound is the sound of my meek gasps that come between the outbursts. The sound of why. The sound of what will I do. The sound of what will become of me. I miss you so much I can’t bear it. No words can comfort. Only you can. And you are gone. I can’t believe it. I won’t believe it. I wail and cry and beg for you to come back. But the silence is relentless and unforgiving. The silence will bring no sound. It mocks me. It’s all too cruel. … I heard you and felt you when you were saying these things. … I want you to know I’m okay. … There is a gentleness here. You’ll see the things that seem so real to you aren’t so real. But you already see this now because I’m gone. But I’m here. You worry that this is it – that this is all there is. But I can see what you call this is an illusion. It’s not the real. The only real in it is love. The rest goes away. You need that one who tells you you are doing well. That one who tells you you are okay. There are jealousies. Some friends aren’t friends. Some enemies aren’t enemies. But underneath they are love. Some have just forgotten. But they will be reminded. Someday. You need your one who would tell you you are good. Now I worry for you. It’s nice here. It’s love. You might fall away. But I can’t let that be. You did too much for me. You gave me too much love. You were that place for me. You are coming home, but not today. Someday you’ll see heaven is not a place so far away. It’s not a place at all. It is wherever love is expressed. Time and space mean nothing here. I can be anywhere at any time, so I can be with you every place and all the time. I will carry you through. I am there when you cry for me. And I am there when your thoughts are somewhere else. Loving you. I love you all the time. I never went away. Cry until you feel better. Cry it all away. There is so much intelligence in what you think of as here but it is different. It is more real. It is making the tears that you are crying in rivers. That have soaked your cheeks and covered your neck. Your eyes look so tired now. Let me hold you while you sleep. I am here with you now. I am here all the time. I love you. When it’s your turn you will see the real of us is even more real after that part you thought was the only real. And it was more real before. And it is more real around. The part you thought was real was cased in things you thought were also real, but they are not. What’s not real will fall away. Egos and buildings and bodies that have aged so much the love shows mercy and lets it go. Your tears that now soak your chest are real. That water that tastes of salt as it runs into your mouth. I am there. There must be the rain before the rainbow is seen. I never went away. You will see. All that will go away are parts felt with five meager senses. I am that other part, that breathes your breath. That follows your tears. That knows when you must sleep. So I can hold you. I need you to be strong. You have things still to do. I can help you do them. Wear your glasses again today. You look so beautiful in them. But I’m not in front of them anymore. I’m behind them. I can work from inside you now. All that you see through them will go away. Someday. But that was never real. The real will come to you in your sleep when you dream. I love you. I always have. And it is so beautiful here. Please don’t cry or worry for me. I worry for you. I’m sending angels all around you now. You will feel them in little pulls and hugs. They will carry you, but you must walk a bit on your own. You must take some steps. Sometimes the love is so big I wish there were words for it. but you won’t need them here. I’ll make little rainbows for you. Smile today. Laugh with me. I never went away. I am always always here. You taught me love. You showed me love. And there is so much of it here. We’re together all the time. Someday you will see. Today I need you to laugh. I need you to smile. For me. That one you love. We’re together all the time. Until there is no time. And then we are together forever.   

❤️