If it’s Sunday, it’s Meet the Em-press!! Don’t worry over the choices you’ve made. Everything will be okay. You’ll have such fun and be free. I know it’s hard to believe. You’ll be fine, I promise. Silly little ghosts appear to you along the way. Like Gigolo Joe and Teddy. You know they love you. You feel it. You’ll be okay, I promise. I don’t have to see you. I feel you when I get through my own ego, and work to break down that wall of thoughts that serve myself. I’m always so much happier when I do. Break through them, that is. And get to you. I know by the warmth in my heart. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, if I could help it. But I’m afraid that’s me again. Making it about me, and I slightly lose the feeling. When I feel the feeling, when I’m in a meditation of you, I ask, “What should I say?” What can I say to her that would brighten her day. Is there something she needs to hear? And I wait in that silence, sometimes for a very long time, until something comes out of me. You haven’t been seen in so long. And you feel far away, like the tide going out. Will it ever come in again? I’ve never seen such magic as you. I notice I don’t wish anymore, not quite like I used to. There’s been more acceptance in its place. It doesn’t stop me loving you, if that’s okay. Someone can have a muse, but be quite horrible in his thoughts and treatment. I read about Picasso on his wiki, and it saddened me. It made me not want to look at his paintings anymore. I’d rather a painter who paints badly, but loves the girl. There’s so much using in the world. Even when I lose the feeling that you’re anywhere near, maybe that’s why I still feel a happiness. I’ll write about her, anyway. Just to show I care. When all hope has disappeared. Any circumstance allows an opportunity to aim for something pure. It’s okay. It’s all quite good. I can be serious, and yet not take it all so seriously. I can walk that rope. I never could before you. Not really, anyway. And I’m afraid I’ve made it about me again. It’s hard not to do when you’re not seen or felt. But I felt you this morning. For a moment, when I was able to break down all those walls of my ego. All those thoughts waiting in my meditation that were self serving. And I felt that warmth again! Of you. I know it’s you because inside the feeling there’s a touch of this magic. This *something!* That’s the same feeling that would come from your look and your nod when rapid firing what feels like so long ago. Oh, if you only knew what you do to a man! To boys and girls, too. To anybody with two eyes to see! One will do! A third eye! And crown chakra, I concentrate on those when thinking of you. My heart is the thermometer. Loving you is everything. I have that, so there’s nothing to wish for after. Can you see how you’ve made me better? I could never talk this way before. I’m so, so happy I saw you. It’s like those old telepathy experiments from a hundred years ago, where serious crazy people would try to guess the color of the cards the other one was holding. And they were wrong more often than they were right. I suspect because it was more about them; their egos, than a true seeing through. More about, “I got it! I’m brilliant! I’m psychic! I’m a seer of great things!” than, “Could I get a whisper of something that might help you?” Maybe only one time I’ll get it right. But that might be the most meaningful time ever in a life, who knows! So it would be worth it to be wrong a million times over if that could be the case. In finding something to say to you that resonates. If only one time ever. And not for any great purpose of mine. I’d be lying if I said I don’t dream of hearing from you. Maybe someday!! But I admit it feels more like acceptance these days than wishing. It’s okay. I’ve got it pretty easy. It’s hard to take myself too seriously when others are suffering – people and animals – in ways that make my life look like a G-rated movie. That’s why my prayers usually start with, “I know you’ve got *way* more important things going on, *but* …” and that’s where my ego slips in. We all so want to be happy, though, I understand. But by not getting what I wanted, I have mornings like this one. Meditating hard to get through all my self-serving thoughts that built up. I didn’t realize how many I had created, but it sure took a long time to break through them this morning, and I’m glad I did. Because I finally got that feeling of warmth in my heart that I attribute to you. That feeling that came with the look and a nod of you. And maybe I’m a little more centered, and a little more peaceful when finding it, than I ever would be would dancing and jumping up and down. The feeling of you is so beautiful. It’s as beautiful as you are. That’s a lot of beauty, by the way. The feeling of you is so soft and so gentle, and so warm all over. It’s the feeling of dew drops on a green leaf sprouting up in April, on a rainy morning with colorful umbrellas. It’s nice to love you from afar. Maybe some part of me prefers it this way. So I don’t have to face all my insecurities. Like that Family Guy cutaway where Stewie is tugging and saying, “Ma! Ma!” endlessly. And when he *finally* gets her attention, he embarrassedly says, “Hi!” and giggles and runs away! I don’t see you as my mother, don’t worry. You’re just the mother of everything, though! Of all of creation! You bring everything to life in me. You’re so beautiful. I’m so not. Not in the ways you are. Maybe in some other way, over you, when I lose myself. There’s not much hope left here in Hopeless Town. Maybe there could be a beauty in still doing it, anyway. When there’s more acceptance than wishing. Maybe it makes it more meaningful, I don’t know. Otherwise it’s all this glowing speech, but when he doesn’t get what he expects deep down, the ugliness rears its head. Better to clear out any residue of expecting and get that out of the way. And then anything that would ever come, no matter how small, would be seen as a gift in itself! And not a step in a process that portends to something more than that. It’s easy to talk the talk. So many do it. It’s harder to walk the walk. Actions speak louder than words. I know that. When everything is hopeless, these are the best opportunities of all with you! To still express love to you, even when the answer is a resounding no. And to realize, to really feel, the expressing is the reward. You’re so beautiful it’s almost impossible not to do. So many people love you, I know that. And everything will be okay. No matter what choices you’ve made. No matter what the day brings today. You’re glorious. You have silly friends who appear along the way, like Gigolo Joe and Teddy. You can feel that they love you. Some of us are simply made to do so. I remember way back when on twitter, and I referred to myself as a boy, and someone wrote, “He doesn’t look like a boy to me!” And that got a ton of likes. And when referring to myself as sober and vegan, someone else wrote to you, “Well, I drink and I love meat, and I’ll be a real man for you,” or something like that. And when posting a pic of a sandwich with me in it, someone wrote, “It looks better without you in it.” And it goes on and on. The cruelty of people there is felt first hand. A million voices, each one trying to be clever. But who needs it now that I’m a Tik Tok star? I’m kidding. That feeling of an expiration date on me, and the world pushing on. A million voices coming up the rear, of Instagram models and would-be motivators and influencers telling their life stories. And sometimes missing years that began with “19” instead of “20.” It’s not my world anymore. Really it never was. In some old Indian culture that doesn’t exist anymore, when a person turned forty, they were sent off into the woods, literally. And the generations never learned from ‘old sages’ or any of that because they were cast away. it’s nice to take on a new role. Any of the few older models I had have all passed away. Then, it dawned on me. I’m that older person now, for somebody else. It’s my turn. And I feel ready for it. I never would have been if not for you. Seeing you has been so transformative for me, oh, I wish I could really express how much so. And I don’t care anymore if I only get one view. I’d prefer it would be you! But it’s kind of nice to put all that away. Let all the smart and clever people battle it out on social media. They forget they’ll be replaced someday. I’m finding going to the woods isn’t so bad! Like something out of a fairy tale! There’s a wizened old man you’ll find on your journey through the forest, if you’re lucky! He’ll regale you with stories of a woman! A goddess – the empress!! – who forever changed him. She had the most spectacular face in the world!!! Still does, too!! And be a smaller part of other people’s stories where they are the heroes. When life is about getting smaller, sometimes it’s the best preparation. “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that someone took and sowed in his field. It is the smallest of all the seeds, but when it has grown it is the greatest of shrubs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.” When life is about getting bigger, I’m not sure how it ends for those who are suffering. “Whoever dies with the most toys, wins.” Something somewhat emptier in that if you ask me. In striving to be smaller, somehow my life has gotten bigger. Not to be adored by the crowds, but to be loved by you. There’s a reward for ya!! Not to be an influencer, but to influence only a few with love, hopefully. And there’s that hope again! On Hopeless Street!! This street needs a new name. I’ll name it after you!! Like Beachland I, II, and III!! Now beginning with your first name instead! Just for fun. Just for the joy of it. How could hope be completely dead for me, when all you’ve ever been about for me is hope. You awakened it in me. And when things appear especially hopeless, it’s a wonderful opportunity! To express love about you that couldn’t possibly be for any other reason than that it’s the thing to do! It always is. You’re the most beautiful person who has ever been. That’s worth celebrating! Every day of the year. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, whatever choices you’ve been making, it’s all good. You’re a star. You should always feel that way. You change people’s lives on a dime. Simply for having witnessed you. Can you tell me who else can do that? I can’t. You’re so special. I hope it’s a wonderful Sunday for you. And maybe you’ll be seen again soon. Who knows! It’s always nice just thinking of you, though. ❤️  

Happy Sunday. You’re beautiful!!