Oh, thank you! It’s heartfelt. Seeing you is like seeing promise in the world, even for someone terribly heartbroken – and believes he could never love again. You’re *that* beautiful, you stir something inside. It’s something in your eyes. Or it begins there. It’s the whole energy of you. I imagine people are drawn in, wanting to know if simply as a friend. Because your magic feels alive. And, by association, it becomes a part of them, too. You really do have such beauty about you. Thank you so much for that.  Thank you for a beautiful year, going on two. I can just see him in ten years, in his emotional confession that things have changed. And everything about him is soft – in the worst of ways. He’s had a soft life. He’ll pull a Hamlet, all this internal bleeding and drama, this ‘woe is me’ shit. And somehow make it your fault, or try to, in deflecting the blame. When you scream at him, he’ll flinch, cowardly. And he’ll be gone, at 40, when you’re 43. It was his daring to say “you’ve changed” – and you’ll say, “I should have known.” Search yourself deep down, and see what you think. When there’s no guy around to force him to step up, and to force him to elevate his game – hell, even participate! When that’s gone, and time goes by, who will he be? How was it two years ago before intense competition was introduced? “The only engagement news I can get on board with,” you said just before I was turning up the heat. A guy remembers that stuff. Any clue that maybe it wasn’t all paradise. And your friends who today want you with him – those ones who would trash me – are the friends who are young and married. Deep down they want you in their boat. You know how that goes. Married couples want other married couples. If there’s some doubt deep down between them that is never shown, they want to lose each other in other couples. If they’re not sure, they want you to be unsure, too. Caged hearts don’t want to see you flying free. And while millennial is great – I wish I were one, but only in the case of you; to be that much younger – he’ll be the stereotype of the very worst of it. It’s there now, but you’ll see it in full force in a few years. The being handed everything, the always given a softest landing.  The parent who judges beauty parents, and flirting with eighteen year olds, when he’s sixty five. And it’s all a big game. You fit the mold, like Rose in Titanic. It’s about what you do, not who you are. It will look good for their boy. And there’s softness everywhere – the worst kind. The key thing I said that started their investigations. Their attempt to destroy a life – over a guy who sent flowers one time! – it was when I said, I’d die for you. And this guy would cower. It drove him crazy! It woke up everything! Because deep down he knows it is true. Maybe it’s not his fault. There’s no backbone there, there’s nothing to fight for. Everything is given. And it has nothing to do with love. I bet you realize that now. The reasons you got in, way back in the first place – it was before you ever gave thought to how *deep* things could feel. What it should be all about, because you’re so deep in your career. And maybe if I served any purpose, it was to wake it all up in you. To realize the whole point of a partner is to have someone who will go to bat for you. Someone who will *always* have your back. And not wimp out when it’s not easy, and have the gaul to suggest it’s your fault. And then he’s gone – somewhere around forty-three and forty. I should have always known! But the writing for these things come early. When I’m no longer doing what I’m doing, and life quiets down, ways always ingrained in him will quietly come back in. Over time. I bet you think about that now. I bet a part of you is aching to be free. If not to talk to me, at least to not be chained down. And a few friends who so want you to be. The worst sight for some is of you flying free. With nothing binding you at all! You, in all your beauty, and now the whole world on a string! If not me, *anybody*! The secret is you’re the one with Everything! With all the beauty, and with all the gifts. The supposed ones are empty. It’s technical, but I know you miss the heart in it. It’s that piece that feels missing now, that will show itself down the road. All this investment now, for a stock that will evaporate and end up giving negative yield. It’s a matter of time. I know you already know it. That’s why you’re not married now. I could be wrong! I’ve been wrong before, too many times. But I bet I hit on it. I just want you to be happy. After two years, I don’t expect a call from you. I’ve already stopped looking, as hard as it is to do. But I don’t want you to make the mistake of a lifetime. That mistake isn’t me. I’d always be a friend, and nothing more. I hope I’ve proven through showing you I don’t expect anything of you. When it comes to this, though, I pray you listen to your heart. I have a feeling you are. I don’t want you in that misery. 45 is different than 33. It can be. I’ve seen those women who seem harder inside. It’s not the physical age. It’s the person they’ve become. This bitterness that fills in the hole where there was gentleness. They judge everything, and everything is cold. I don’t want you to become that. You can have a kid when you’re 46. That is, if you *want* to. Please don’t blindly do what so many do, because you feel you have to check off those boxes. Especially for someone who won’t be around when all this calms down. And there’s a feeling of no reason to compete for your affection. I think you know all this already. And I’ll keep eye for more shiftiness. The more looking into me – it was a family affair. The sending people to my door in the hope of destroying me. … for sending flowers! But it was that other thing. It started when I nailed it – the ones who would die for you … and the ones who will walk away. Someday. And make it all your fault, or try. Even if we never share a word, I’m okay with that! I’ve stopped looking. I’m getting on with my life. But I feel an bond with you. And I so want you to be happy. Even if he’s a dreamboat and 6 foot 7! Yeah, it will drive me a little crazy 😅 ,,, but I’ll be happy for you, if I sense he truly loves you. I think you know what I’m trying to say. I think you know it all anyway. And this current situation only highlights it more. You’re desperate to get out of the house. Even with the added risk of virus! Although you’ll be okay, for sure. This is the moment in time you’ll look back on in ten years. What you decide now while you’re at this fork in the road. One way is truly living! Adventure and flying free. It’s unpredictable, it’s hard to see! But you know you’ll be following your path. You’ll know it, because you’ll be forging it. Where nobody has before!! The other way, though … well, only you know for sure. Whoever it is – if anyone at all! – make sure you *know* … that it’s something you never even *have* to doubt. That it lights you up! That, when asked, you say, “YES!!” with no hesitation! And you’re smiling, practically beaming. Make sure you do it for yourself. Make sure you do what’s right for *you*. All these other opinions? You’ll be surprised where they could all be in ten years. And who’s not answering their phone. Just know … please … for sure. Thank you for lighting up these last two years! Ah, it’s been magical, for me!! I hope you understand I had to stop looking for a bit, just to heal my own hurts. I’m pretty human, after all. I know you’re not surprised, of course. I do care about you, tremendously. I promise this one has nothing to do with me. I so just want you to be happy.  That’s all I want to know. The choices you make now will shape everything. Cut out the noise. And listen to your heart. Not him or friends or family or me even! Listen to your heart. Go deep inside there in your rare quiet times. And really listen. It will know. Please treat yourself like gold. Put yourself first. In this case, it’s paramount. It’s tantamount to *everything*. It’s your life. Maybe the point of me – this whole feeling I’ve had for you! – maybe it was predestined. I have felt all these angels! And I was never that guy before. Maybe the journey wasn’t about getting you! Or even getting to know you properly! It was about simply showing you how it should be. Maybe you had forgotten, or you hadn’t even known. That you deserve magic. Endlessly. And never settle for less. With you, it should always be more. For my part, I’m so happy it was you! It couldn’t have been anyone else. It’s been so magical for me. No regrets. Oh, not at all! I might even slip in a look or two. The only thing that could lower me is the thought of you settling. But something tells me you get it. You’ll be following your heart. That beautiful heart of yours. She’s your truest friend. … Thank you, again! For listening. ❤️  

Postscript: Holy shit, you’re brilliant! … I know, you give the most amazing extemporaneous reply to a question that’s so in depth and shows both how wildly smart and so deeply disciplined you are – how do you do it?? You’re eight shades of amazing!! – and all I can come up with is “Holy shit, you’re brilliant!” Sigh, two lives in opposite directions! Staggeringly impressed by you, that never goes away. Nobody compares to you in this world! Okay, ugh … confession … angry senators looking down and yelling at me: “Mr. DeMartinis, you wrote you had stopped looking! But, isn’t it true you secretly watched her at 5 a.m. on both Monday the 30th and Tuesday the 31st of March of 2020? You even noted her standing in that blue dress, and wrote of it in your journal. And yet, she never posted any standing video of her? So how you would have known??” (whisper in lawyer’s ear.) My attorney: “My client does not recall what he was doing on the morning of March 30th. (I whisper again) And, my client believes he is being bulldozed into trick questions. Everybody knows March has only 28 days.” “That’s February, Mr. DeMartinis.” … Well, you see how it is! Your beauty is addictive. Like the uncle who brags he quit cigars, and keeps one hidden over every door frame. How can anyone quit you? You’re the most beautiful thing in the world!! It’s not really daylight until that spectacular face of yours is seen one way or another. So I guess that’s all there is to say. Getting up to leave — “Oh, we’re not through with you, Mr. DeMartinis! Not by a long shot. Do you think … (senator starts oddly blushing and stammering slightly and drawing little circles on the table in front of him self-consciously) … um, … do you think, come next Valentine’s Day, you would, um, send *me* a tree and flowers?” (lawyers whispers in my ear) “Yes, of course, Senator.” (senator gasps and blushes like a schoolboy!) “Yay!!!” See? Your beauty just spreads all over the place! It’s Christmas every day! Or Valentine’s Day anyway! March 2020 was historic for a lot of bad reasons. But historic for me because it was another month of seeing your face. And you can’t top that! It’s always a good day when you’re seen. Happy April! You’re amazing! ❤️☀️