AH!!! I can’t believe it!!! I’m sitting here, and starting to unravel a little! No matter how bitchy I’ve ever been with humans, I am always, always, always loving and gentle with animals. But this one bird won’t stop yelling at me. He’s totally all right. It’s just what he loves to do! But it has gone on and on and on, I’m getting a migraine. Even patient Jakey said, “Enough!” and left the room and went upstairs. And it’s drilling through my head. Still in my robe! Still with this beard! And I’m looking around me, and thinking, “My God, it finally happened.” I used to be Chandler Bing, and now I’m Chandler Bing’s very worst fear. I’ve become Mr. Heckles. And I’m way too young! Too young for this! I never saw myself as being the guy down the street with all these birds. I never even liked birds! I was afraid of them! I was attacked by a bluejay when I was 12 and got hit by a car (that’s another story – I’m not racking up points here). But, you know how life is. Things like this happen accidentally. And first there’s one, and somebody says, “I can’t take care of mine. Can you take her, too?” And the whole thing just kinda grows. So, here it is. This is my fate. The world is shut down. I’m here in my robe. Oh, I so wish I were 33. I might have a chance. But, I’m pushing 50! (I know, the internet has 4 ages for me; always go with the lowest!) And now I’m Mr. Heckles, when before I was a mix of Chandler and Joey (well, more Chandler than Joey, unfortunately – but just enough to keep me interesting). Chandler: “If I’m gonna be an old, lonely man, I’m gonna need a thing. You know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So, I figure I’ll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y’know? Crazy Snake Man. And I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. ‘Run away from Crazy Snake Man,’  they’ll shout!” It happened! Except it’s birds!! And I’m losing it!! I’m too pretty for this! Except I’m *not* pretty anymore! Oh, God, I’m Norma Desmond! And I’m here with these haunted eyes saying, “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Tarantino!” when the detectives come again and drag me away!! If I were famous, this would be the perfect True Hollywood Story! Putting the best pic of me from the ‘90s next to the one where I’m fat and disheveled in 2020!! Okay, it’s not that bad. But, it ain’t great!! And then I see your face!! I so didn’t expect to see you today! In a dress that has such special meaning to me! It’s like you knew! I know, I know. I’m Leo in “Shutter Island.” I don’t want to give away any spoilers if you haven’t seen it. But it’s so good! And it was one of those movies where I guessed the ending an hour in when nobody else did around me! Probably because I was doomed to live it! I do love reality, I do love the truth about things, despite evidence to the contrary. But when all you’ve got to go on is a certain thing, you kinda have to roll with it. And you’re so beautiful today. Your blue eyes. I die inside. Today they’re practically exploding!! I see my whole life, and every life I’ve lived before it – if there’s such a thing as reincarnation – and the lives of everything around me, too. It’s like the world is in these eyes of yours. This beauty of God peeking through the wall, where all else is pestilence and fear and sadness and doubt. There *is* magic in the world. I saw it at 1:42 p.m. It’s so strange. The dreams around 50 are so much different than the dreams of 32. I felt and looked like a kid at 40. Now, the body reminds me mortality is creeping in. I wake up with aching ankles. Probably arthritis. I gain weight by looking at a bagel. And when I expect Adonis in the mirror I see Adlai Stevenson (’56 presidential candidate – I just picked it cuz it kinda rhymed). And I know it’s not that bad. I know I’m my worst critic. But, this getting older. I never signed up for it! Oh, it’s better than the alternative, don’t you think? – someone says. And, I pause, and they say “well?” and I say, “Wait! I’m thinking …” (Thank you, Jack Benny!) But I forget it all when you appear. The dreams of 50 aren’t of marrying you, or of even having your love – I mean, like “that.” It’s like when Robin Williams and Nathan Lane were sitting side by side in a poignant moment in The Birdcage – when Nathan was afraid Robin would leave him. And Robin gently tells him he’s willed everything he has to him. Oh, I’d will everything to you. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says, “I mean, c’mon,” he says touchingly. “I’m fifty years old. … What am I going to do? Really?” It’s kinda like that. There’s a gentleness that isn’t there at 30. A having been whittled down thing, well, for some of us. And the dreams are smaller, and yet more filled with meaning. A friendship is more than I could ever dream of having, even if far away from you. Think of all those chances to make you smile! A goofy note when you least expect it, but when you need it. Just that silly kind of thing. The moment that maybe God is speaking through me, and I say something uplifting, something that helps you see that particular day through. I don’t dream of being a husband or having kids. I know rock stars have them at 75. But I don’t know if that’s the life for me. I’m open to anything. But I don’t dream like that. In those moments when I get a look from you, I feel so satisfied and gratified inside. The euphoric feeling lights – up – EVERYTHING! You’re the sun. And I become the sky. There’s no room to dream of anything. Because the whole place is filled with magic. Nothing is missing. And there’s no desire in those magical moments. Like me at 1:43, and still in it at 2:11 as I’ve rambled on with a bird screaming at me – so I have the air pods in blasting George Michael so I can finish this post. And, then, get back to caring for everyone. You filled my tank, when I was running on empty. I’m restored. You’re the only one who can do this to me. I don’t dare to dream. And yet one came true today. I’m in this bliss. I saw *you.* In a special dress. And I’m filled with all this love. And very little longing. Just a hint of it, to create this beautiful recipe of beauty that is felt. I adore you so much. You’re my savior. Joseph Campbell spoke with a woman who was so sad. “I want so much to believe in God. Can you tell me where God is?” And he said, “Do you love a certain person or thing more than anyone on Earth?” And, she said, “My little nephew.” And he said, “*Right* there! That’s where God is. Right in that child’s face.” It’s like that. I see you, and God shines through. When one person says you have to “believe,” I feel this bliss where all I can respond is, oh, I don’t *need* to believe. With you, I “experience!!!” I experience God when I look into your eyes. Your magic comes through, and you change *everything*! How I feel! You take a gray mood, and you flip it instantly upside down! Like a snow globe, sitting and gathering dust, you shake it up!!! I’m so grateful for you. I don’t feel like Mr. Heckles at all today. I feel like Joey – when he was young!! And maybe a hint of Ross!! And you’re Rachel and Monica and Phoebe – all combined – their very best qualities – and then a heaping helping of Beyonce! I *do* see your face in Beyonce when I’ve been watching her perform today!! I feel your energy there, too! I get it now!! You’re simply *everything*!! And my shackles are freed. I’m everything, too!! I feel that way!! Everything is okay. You know what? It’s great! All because I saw you today. Your spectacular face!!! I’ve never seen anybody like you!! Your eyes literally heal me. I feel better. When most medicine does nothing. You’re the most beautiful woman alive. I’ll choose to believe the dress you wore in Quincy, Mass – the one you wore today – that it’s a little tiny nod to me. This little “I see you out there. I know you’re trying. You’re not so bad. Don’t be so hard on yourself …” A little like Chandler when he’s insecure over Monica when he’s in love, and he says, like I would, “I’m not very good at this.” And she gently answers, “You’re better than you think.” You comfort me. You quiet my mind. You’re the most breathtaking woman I will ever see. You are truly this looking at the divine. “There God is. … Right there … right in your eyes.” Thank you. So much!!!  ❤️ Now, I’ve got to go and look again! ☺️