I had an 11-day streak! 12 posts! I’ve never quite done that before in the last two years!! I suppose it’s time to take a day off! I mean, not much is happening! This is that quiet time, I can feel it! When you’re planning your move! “Oh, I simply must write to him! He’s the dream I am always dreaming!!” Don’t beat yourself up about it! This is the natural response. It’s normal. It’s to be expected. This older romantic man has me in the palm of his hand, you’re saying! And yet he doesn’t look a day over thirty-three!! “Somebody’s *really* fantasizing now.” I know your heart is beating three times fast. I know you’re in a spin. If Catholic, you’re rushing to the penance box, on your knees, praying, “Father, forgive me. For I have sinned. I want him so badly, Father.” “Go pray, my dear. And save yourself for marriage to him. I’ve been looking, too. And I’m afraid I have sinned in my thoughts for him, as well. So, we’ll pray together. And have a slumber party. And look at photos of him. And play dress-up wearing white dresses and wedding veils. And pretend we’re marrying him. My daughter, it’s simply the thing to do. That and three hail mary’s and a glory be should do.” So, of course I don’t expect you to write to me today. You’re so overwhelmed with deepest emotion, your hands are too shaky to write. Know I always understand. I’m nothing if not understanding and kind. It’s part of why you love me so. She’s about to say “*Whaaat??*” – – “Shhhh!!” and a gentle placing of a finger over your lips before you can! (No pandemic in fantasies, so of course you allow it.) “Hush now, child. Don’t say a word. Don’t spoil the moment. Speak only from your heart for me, as you are so wont to do.” (I got to put ‘wont’ in a post; there’s a first!) So, in other words, don’t panic that you are waiting too long. Don’t worry that you are sure to lose me to some beautiful girl. I understand, dear one. I understand completely. You’re simply too afraid and riddled with fear and anxiety! This love is too big, I know! Oh, surely you feel it, too. It’s bigger than the both of us. But we knew that from the beginning, didn’t we, darling girl. All the blocking was a cry for help. “Oh, knocketh down these walls, my lord! And take me! For I cryeth out to you!” That is how you talk, after all. “That *does* sound like me,” she admits. “I do taketh pleasure in speaking so. Wow, he knows me so well!” I do!! Of course I do! … Okay, not sleeping too well! I’m getting a little delirious. “How can you tell the difference?” – I know!! You haven’t been seen in too long!! At least it feels that way. I walk a lonely street when there are no signs of you. What’s a guy to do? But dream of you. You’re everything I ever wished for. And the guy next to me says, “Me, too.” And the one next to him! It goes on endlessly that way. Too many of us, and yet only one of you. It doesn’t seem fair after all. But let there be skies of wonder. Let there be days of thunder. (“You mean the movie with Tom Cruise?” Yeah, I thought of that, too. Hoping I could get away with it.) There’s nothing ordinary about you. Let our hearts never be asunder. Whenever you hear bad poetry, your heart will tug, and you’ll think of me. Of what could be! And other girls *are* chasing me! But they are probably looking for money. I guess it’s time to plan out this next year under these new circumstances. Maybe you’ll get married. And then you see me in a year or two and whisper mournfully, “Oh, no. What did I do??” He reads me like a book, you’re sayin’!! Especially when I play my new songs for you!! I was going to debut it in September, then I got a little down and thought, “Oh, what does it matter. It can wait until January. She’s not looking at all!” But then I get all happy, so I know it’s coming sooner! Wouldn’t I be such a cool friend, though?? If you know anything at all to be true, you *must* know how I care about you. So, to just be a friend wouldn’t be so bad, right? This silly guy in Boston and surrounding areas who would always make you laugh! Or try to. And give you the moon if you even hinted, and never ever ever – ever!! – ask for a thing back! That’s honestly how I’m made. I think I’d make a pretty good friend! For you, especially. But I’m a little biased that way. Anyway, I hope it’s a beautiful day!! I hope you’re doing really cool stuff! This isn’t an official post – although I guess it will count as #231!! Can you believe it? And *most* of those posts are over three pages long!! I’ve written 1,148 pages about you according to my “Pages” app!! And the first thing a critic says when reading it is, “This story isn’t going anywhere!” Well, to me it is. I’m not the same person as I was when it began. I remember this guy I used to know. He was kind, but always a little dour. And somehow the subject came up about people, and he said – *so* assuredly – “People never change.” He said it like it was the ultimate statement of fact. I don’t think I answered, but that memory stuck with me going on twenty years. Part of me wanted to say, “All people *do* is change.” I mean, we’re babies! Then, if lucky, we get old and then we die. A lot of change going on in there! But, on the other hand, I see what he meant. Some people really never seem to. They hold the same beliefs and rigid ideas as they did when they were young, and carry them right into old age! And often never seem happy in some way that’s hard to put a finger on. But, me? I really *have* changed! And I’m so happy. It’s because of you!! You are the catalyst! You are my muse and inspiration. I’m so much more open than I have ever, ever been before. Still afraid at times, but fearless when it counts for something. And open to love inside me! Ah! I had no idea how much I had closed it off, for so many years. I never want to do that again. Ever! I know the down side is it comes with pain. But, you know what? The fear of the pain is far worse than the pain itself. And when you go through the growth long enough, in a funny way, pain becomes an old friend. “Oh, look. Here you are again!” “Yup. It’s me. I don’t want to do this, you know! It will hurt me more than it hurts you!!” “Yeah, right! The biggest lie in the book!!” But that’s how pain rolls. The only way around it is through. And I swear something changes in me every time! I come out somehow better! It’s intangible, but I swear I feel it! It’s something in the air about me. It’s all about you. Like my soul is being refined. Oh, and the joy!! I can’t forget that part! That’s the best part of all. I’ve *never* felt such bliss in my life as when seeing you! And dreaming of you! And writing of you! And some of it has been good! Well, not counting this! But this doesn’t count!! Oh, but you do. I’m counting on you. To *never* settle or give up. In any possible meaning of the term. You’re too beautiful. You’re too sacred. To expect anything but the best of those you allow in. You’re an angel. To me. So, Happy Monday! I think I’m going back to sleep! Not sleeping well these days, I don’t know what it is. Tossing and turning, and I dreamed of you again last night. And I woke up so happy. I love it when I do. I’m afraid it’s my own dreams that are tiring me out. I’m just a mortal guy! Lost in a dream so much bigger than me. It’s why somebody else had to dream it first! That girl who had that dream about me “lost in the woman in the picture.” And that was months before it started. Then I started dreaming, too! Of you. And it’s never ended. I can’t guess the future, but something tells me the dream of you won’t end anytime soon. Your beauty is imprinted on me. It’s a part of me. And if ever there’s a day I’m beautiful, it’s simply because I’m reflecting you. I see you in my own eyes when I look in the mirror. And I’m so happy I got to love someone the way I love you. It’s the reward in itself. It really, truly is. I hope your day is magical! You’re the woman in the picture. And you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. Oh, you are, though!! Always and forever. Just look at you!! ❤️  

I’m going to take a nap! I love you. Happy Monday!! ☀️😌    

“THERE SHE IS!!” is now the #1 selling e-book and paperback on *all* social media platforms that never existed. Search ‘todd demartinis’ … Happy 2nd half of August!! You’re all the midsummer night’s dreaming I can stand!! Lost in this exhaustion and delirium. But what a delightful way to go!! You are beauty incarnate. You are bliss taking form. And I’ll carry these dreams of you forever. You light the way to my tomorrows. If you only knew how glorious and radiant you are.  

Thank you!! 🌟💛🙂🍀