Don’t worry, my love isn’t going anywhere. I’ll just be a little quieter about it, that’s all. I feel like I poked a hornet’s nest. It was unintentional, but it was my own wanting to show you that created it. It’s strange how it *came* to me all at once – that remembering the dream this morning that somebody else had. How I was lost forever in how wonderful you are, and it turns out I was seated in a jewel-encrusted throne and in the finest clothes. I never gave it much thought. “Spiritual symbolism,” that’s all I got. But this morning the memory of that friend’s dream whooshed in! There was this feeling of completion, like “Ah! It’s *all* come together, hasn’t it?” And I stopped to just *feel* it. It was at that exact moment you were pulling away. You’ve given me so much. I had never been in love. It’s since moved to less “in love” and simply loving you, always and forever, that greatest feeling. And I have no regret. How could I? It’s been the most magical two years of my life. You’ve shaped me into someone better, than I had *ever* been before. It had to be you. Nobody else captivates and mesmerizes as you do. So I feel okay. I honestly just don’t know what to do with myself next! It’s kinda like when Happy Days was cancelled after 11 years, and a cast member thought, after the final filming, “What will I do now on Friday nights?” (Filmed on Fridays, shown on Tuesdays – for the hardcore nerds out there like myself!) It’s that kind of feeling. This expanse before me, and this feeling of, “What do I do with it?” This love will keep going. It’s got that forever feeling written all over it. I’ll just be quiet about it, and get on with things and keep living my life. How can I worry or doubt anything? When the last two years were divine. You’re the most beautiful person in the world always. At least, that’s how I feel about it. I could never think an unkind thought about you. It would be like kicking myself in the shin! Whatever it was, you’ve been such a part of me, I don’t know where I end and you begin. It was never about ‘having’ you, or any great goal. That post I wrote in April of ’19 – you asking, “What’s your goal?” and me answering, “*This!!*” Just talking with you. And you smiled. It’s been so true, after all. Light on expectation, but heavy on love. You touched me so deeply, and now I’m graceful like a dove. In your healing hands. You healed me. And I can fly off, maybe you watch me, and think, “He’s much more beautiful and graceful than he ever was before.” It was all from your love. I took up shelter in there until finally the eviction notice arrived on the door. But, here’s the secret! I’m taking a lot with me from that place!! The stove and the furniture and even the kitchen sink!!! You’re in everything, in other words. You have the gentlest heart. I know it. I’ve felt it. I also know you’re dealing with a lot. I’ll get on with it. I’ll find a new place. I’ll do whatever it is guys are supposed to do. But if you wonder if my love is gone. It isn’t. It’s everywhere. I’ll just be quieter about it. If it were gone, that’s how you’d know it wasn’t real. You’re so beautiful. Thank you for all the gifts you gave me. In quiet moments, when I can’t express on you, I’ll be busy doing all the counting. There’s no end to how wonderful you are. You saved a life, and you started one. You’re someone I always treasure. Thank you. So much. ❤️

****

Wow, it *just* hit me! That *dream* that girl had of me two years ago. ME, *entranced* by the most beautiful woman in the world in a painting with mesmerizing blue eyes and red hair. And I was in this gold and jewel-encrusted throne in the nicest clothes (and I remember thinking, “Well, *that* must be symbolic!!”). At the time *none* of it made any sense and I forgot about it. But then I saw you, and the rest came true. Like it was predestined all along! I’m kind of in this numb feeling of “what??” – but the dream came true and it’s all kind of hitting me now. I spent *so* many hours of so many days lost in you – staring at that “painting on the wall.” And writing what is now over 1,000 pages about you – just so lost in you always. And my rickety rocking chair I had since I was 3 turned into a throne after all. When I say endlessly that you’re *magical* – it’s not just a word. You *are* magic. Pure magic. And I hope you *always* feel that way and know it. Seeing you is the best gift of my life. The rest is just, well, really nice, haha. It’s always been about you. Thank you. ☀️🌟

I’m so, so sorry. I just wanted to thank you for everything, because it was all due to you. I wasn’t trying to show off. I just wanted to prove – so you knew – I wasn’t making it up. And it was just a lot of talk. But I didn’t think it through. It was the stupid little boy in me wanting to show you. I’m so sorry. … You know what the worst part is. I feel heartbroken, but this little part of me is like, “Yay! She *was* looking, after all!!” I know, pathetic!! You’re amazing, always. Thank you – seriously. You’ve had the profoundest influence on my life. Seeing you has changed me forever, in only the best ways. You deserve the Sun and the Moon, and everything wonderful in between. <3