You give the best of yourself. And the best is often in the simply the thought of you. A hushed quiet morning. When there’s fear in the air. And yet, you’re in the air, too. You’re everywhere I am these days. I wonder if others can feel you, too. Or if it’s something that’s special to me. Ah, it’s so special! This quiet time when I’m all filled up. Once in a while, these tears will come over, seemingly out of nowhere. Something in me loves it when they come. It’s hard to explain. They’re not tears of grieving. It’s more like my body has this sacred release, and a beautiful rain comes pouring down. This kind of sacred renewal. Because a thought about you touched me a certain way. I so love that I love you. I never feel regret. I know I’ve had my moments – maybe every five months or so, when I see something, or I get trapped in a thought, and I look for the exit signs, but I can laugh about it now. They only last a moment. And each one was worth it, because it shakes up the energy. If I’m feeling tapped or trapped, I don’t after that. I realize all I want is to adore you. When I get all passionate and discouraged, it’s only a cloud passing by. You’re the sky. I look up to you. And it’s like something new is in the air afterward. I adjust as I’m told to do, by something divine. And I’m all in my bliss again, when the day before had some rain. Nothing has changed externally. I’m just so happy again, and there’s nothing I fear. I recommend everybody fall in love with you! I guess so many do. Even though it’s bigger than my words, I can feel I’m growing so much because of you. I wish I could put it to words properly, though. I really do. I love all these moments, I’m just so *happy* to see you. And you can tell because my prose is all gooey and silly. Like happiness encapsulated! Like a ball of sun in a big glass box, and the lid is vibrating! Going *thump-thump-thump-thump!* You know it’s gonna burst!! Look out, everybody!! Here it comes!!! ☀️ I remember all these little moments like this, when I remember so little of anything before you. It’s all so big. I’m so happy when I see you. And that’s it. There’s no longing and drama. There’s nothing else to add. But, I will, because you know I can never shut my trap. 😅 When it’s quiet, and maybe – just maybe! – you wonder, “What’s going on with him?” On days where there is this hushed stillness, I’m so often thinking of you. I’m quietly in awe over you – the whole enchilada! – what you do, and who you are. You give the best of yourself. And the best of yourself comes through. In all you do. It’s noted in your little touches. These wonderful flourishes. It might be that look of yours – *sigh* 🥰- that one that has been so thoroughly explored it fills a book! If a copy on the shelf, you can see the book beating – like a heartbeat! The spine wielding and unwinding! And it bursts apart! It explodes in the air in such glorious splendor! The pages become confetti! Falling to the streets where a parade has been the setting. In honor of you. And so I have to order another. You see, no writing can contain you, or explain you, or limit you. But what’s a guy to do, but try to express you? You give the best of yourself. And your best comes through, through so many different avenues of you. The best is in your work. What we see, that glorious shine! And the grueling hard stuff we don’t get to see. The planning and the executing, the getting from A to B. The assignment, the travel, the lack of travel in a crisis. The quarantining and figuring out how you’re working from home, if you do. Wondering if a spathiphyllum plant (took me eight minutes to spell that, yeah!) or a mass cane on the floor are the ones that I gifted you! A guy can dream! I guess I’ll never know. It’s another thing I saw five days too late. All these little scattered clues I put together, in the hope it forms a picture, like a camera shot that captures you. And where to get that picture? And will your adorable little man make a guest appearance? They say, “Never work with animals or children!” They say they will always upstage you. Your little man steals the show – anytime and anywhere. And yet, you’re the exception to the rule. You’re the exception to so many! You break the rules! You rewrite them! You smash them up!! And you create your own. And others follow you, in the hope of trying, anyway – maybe we can all learn a thing or two from you. You’re the epicenter of all the love that emanates around you. You’re the anchor, and all that you love, animals and plants to people so blessed to be in your view, they are all your glorious satellites, spinning shinily around you. You light them all. You light us up. You fill them with love. You’re the center. You’re the epicenter. You have that gravitational pull. All that you love is drawn to you. You give the best of yourself, even when you’re tired. You got Beyonce in your ears!! And that inspires you! Now I understand! You two, you’re one in the same! In so many ways. You’re the queen. It’s a not a title you pulled out of a hat. It was given to you. You’re the empress. You earned that. It’s in everything you do. You’re a goddess. It’s revealed through your composure and your dedication. It’s in your drive, it’s in the way that you act. Not knowing where you’ll be next, you adapt. All this is noticed, it’s understood. You’re appreciated so greatly, so meaningfully so, especially on those hushed quiet days you feel like you’re not. But it’s so exciting! It’s thrilling! The wonder of it all. I put you on such a pedestal. I’d be lying to say I don’t. I know you’re human! Even if you yelled at me and cursed! While eating a day-old burrito and you belched in my face (a voice in my head says, “You better know where you’re going with this, kid!”), I’d have that probably-dopey look I have now, that one with my mouth slightly open when I mouth a hushed quiet “… wow!” – that wow when I see you! – and you’d look at me like, “So, what do you think of that??” And I’d think, “Wow, I had no idea a goddess could do all that!!” The pedestal: It can’t be unassembled. You can kick at it, and yell at it, and blow gas at it – and, you maybe blow a gasket! – even when it’s said, and more often unsaid, it’s real and it’s felt in the air. An observer would see us if ever we were together, and she’d leave with her husband after, and smile and say, “He really looks up to her. You can see it in his eyes. He’s beaming!” How could anyone not look up to you? Who you are is amazing! What you do is amazing! Although that second part honestly couldn’t matter at all. But seeing as it is you, it’s what makes it so impressive. You have the most stressful life in the world. I almost wonder if you ever think, “It might not so bad to be him,” meaning me! (“Wow, this guy’s really in his head!” she thinks) 😅 “This guy must sit there all day writing about me. Does he even have a job? I mean, it looks like he has some money. Who knows with this guy! But it must be nice to sleep in, and to not worry.” And yet I worry all the time. In a silly way, as if you were me. Make sure that her travel is safe. Make sure no contagious bugs in this-or-that place. Please look over her, and let her be happy. That’s a common prayer. I even learned which angels are whom, in the hope of tapping into the right energies when wishing you safely home. I love that most days don’t have such longing. They’re mostly heavenly. These moments of such wonder – “I wonder if she looks! I wonder what she’s thinking about! Oh, wow, to know what it is she’s doing right now!!” – and I shake my head with disbelief. “AH!! This is absolutely the coolest thing!!!” It’s all so big to me. You could take it all away, and that feeling is still there. If it were anyone else, and that someone were the most famous person in the world, it wouldn’t mean anything to me. If this very same thing with you were happening, and you were a barista yesterday, and now at home worrying over catastrophe pay, I’d feel the very same wonder I do now! I’d probably be trying to invent a separate cashapp account, in the hope of helping you without getting caught. I don’t mistake what you do with who you are. But I’m mesmerized by everything about you. You’re a star. You give the best of yourself. And this pedestal is unassemble-able. It’s how I’ll always see you. How could I not? I looked down for so long, and now I’m looking up! And that’s where I always find you. It’s right where I prefer you. I love you up there. I think someone said about somebody, “Don’t ever tell him you like something. He’ll immediately say, ‘Do you want it?’” Even if it’s the shirt on his back, he’d take it off if you complimented it, and give it to you. That’s how I always am about you. I’d give you everything I have, without a thought or regret. With no expectation, you know I don’t allow myself to dream. Well, not that much! And maybe some guy comes along and hears the whole story, and says to me, “Oh, man, no greater fool has ever been.” But I know I’d have this look of peacefulness. I’d say, “Maybe someday you’ll understand.” Because life is so short. I watch these YouTube videos of people I love. So many were alive and thriving yesterday, and today they’re all gone. I bet with every one of them, sooner than they thought they would be. And yet we live as if we’ll always go on. I’m not spiritual enough. I’d be that guy who walked away sad when Jesus said to him, “If you want to follow, drop everything you have, everything you own, and come along.” And the pained look in that guy’s face, when he realizes, he’s not *really* up to all that. Better to go home, and enjoy what he has. As if he’ll have it forever, and his little life will always go on. I’m too flawed to be that impressive. And, yet, with you, you’re this channel into the divine. I’ve never loved like this. I’ve never loved the way I love you. You’ve taught me how to act. And it takes work and practice. You know I slip up on occasion. But I get right back to it. How to love perfectly, without anything ugly or desiring in it. And, in this one case, anyway, I get a touch of the divine. I’d give away the shirt off my back, and all my possessions, in a heartbeat – in a second! – to you, all with the knowledge there’s nothing in return. You make me better. In so many ways. So, there is so much in return, actually! I can’t count all the ways in which you affect me. All this magic! When before you there was none. This something goes on endlessly. Going on half a century, I swear my soul prayed for you. I’ve never had such moments of wonder and bliss. On these hushed quiet days when I think of you. You give the best of yourself. And the best of yourself comes through. You’re so incredibly loved. And the best is you. ❤️