I remember 33. It was different for me. You’ve come so far. But I remember the pressure on that number – for a guy, but especially a woman. This glaring fork in the road. Will I go one way, or the other. It’s hard to leave life up to fate when there’s a clock ticking. It’s a lot easier when your knowing comes with a feeling of bliss, not what-if. The pressure is so strong. It’s always there, said or unsaid. And we pick someone who aligns with our values. And a lot of these values are things instilled in us, through culture and brainwashing and religion and politics. And you grow and you start sifting through. Who am I underneath all that’s been piled on top me since I was 3? What do I really believe? What do I truly know? In my heart. And we find we often pick partners based on ideas of who they are. But who am I, who are you, underneath the uniforms? And talk turns to “junior” at 3, then at 5, then at 17. And your identity expands to include these new satellites in your world, only to find they’re their own identities. You hold a baby in your arms, then suddenly there’s this huge man lifting you off the ground. Then he goes away. Where’s that ‘son?’ – as said in My Dinner With Andre. Did you follow your heart all along. Did you have faith in things coming to you at the right time. Or did the sense of sand running through the hourglass push you to have everything perfectly set up. Only you can know. But sometimes the most beautiful things in a life come to you out of the blue. These little gifts right under your nose. I’m not saying I’m one of them. But, um, (looking up at you) – *Hello!* 🙂 They’re everywhere, though. Gifts that often have nothing to do with any goals we plant in the ground. While in your garden are other seeds bursting that you don’t remember planting at all. Shining in your light and seeming to say, “Hey, look at me!” I’m not saying it’s me. It’s just that it’s often how it goes. Listen to your heart. It knows. You’ll feel this burst of happiness and never question it. When you follow your happiness it’s revealed. When you follow your plan, things might feel a little heavier. However subtle or not. That ticking of the clock. We’re all hearts ticking. Some animals like your beloved pup, live the happiest lives never planning their future once. They just enjoy what comes to them. How wonderful it’s you! You’re so beautiful and your heart is so gentle, you should be loved in such a way it makes you uncomfortable. Something that’s a little bigger than the room. Comfort can be deceiving. Here you are always prodded to remember your deepest dreams as a little girl. The way you imagined it would feel. To be pushed to be even more than what you decided you are. But in a way that aligns with your soul. And your deepest knowing. And suddenly time isn’t a worry at all. It all falls into place. It’s magic when that happens. When you don’t have to make things fit. “Hey, look at me!” A lovely little flower in your garden you don’t remember planting. I’m not saying it’s me. It could be anybody. But I am always your friend. I don’t know – it’s silly, but I feel that way inside. I would never hurt you. Ever. I just want to see you come alive. The way you did for me. I know it was foolish and gauche for me to show off (and that was only the half of it! – ah! there I go again!). It was the little boy. Yelling, “Watch! Watch! Watch!! Are you watching?!” before cannonballing into the pool. It’s so much more fun to know you’re watching me. All these wonderful things that came to me as a direct result of seeing you. I was in such a sad place two years ago. I remember it vividly. Going on two years sober, and wondering quietly, “Is this all there is?” Little did I know I was about to thrust into a world of Technicolor!! Like Dorothy somewhere over the rainbow. It all happened when I saw you. I love you. In so many ways, but as a friend especially. I hope you always follow your heart, and not the ticking of a clock. The beating of a heart. It’s what happens between the beats. That’s where the magic is, it’s so subtle you can’t quantify it. It’s intangible, and yet it makes up the best years of our lives. I’m so happy I got to grow in your garden. Even if not acknowledged by your loving hands. You gave me life. You nourished me. Your smile is always the sun to me. The light that comes from your loving eyes. There’s a whole life happening where clocks don’t tick at all. Beneath all the scenery, there’s something constant and forever about you. That’s the part of you I see. Sometimes you just know certain things. And some guy looks a fool for you, and will do it over and over and over again. And a girl learns something about her heart. And God looks down and smiles and winks, and says, “I’ve seen this all play out before.” It’s a story as old as time itself. I’m so happy I got to play a part in your play, however large or small. You’re a star. You should always be made to feel that way, even if never uttering a word. You should know it by the way your heart almost bursts. When ‘choice’ isn’t even a word. You just know. Oh, the joy you bring to me. When I see you arriving, and when I see you go. Lucky me, I get to see both sides of you! And you’re perfect, all the way around. ❤️  

“THERE SHE IS!!” on amazon. You’re always someone so special to me. 🌟   

ps … I feel like I just missed you! Don’t worry! Life is fine here in Siberia!! And as you would guess, in Siberia news comes a little late! A ‘picture’ of you from yesterday shows up today in the mail. In a sleeveless cream dress – and it’s like, “Is this even *possible???*” You’re so stunning it defies all reason! I was even feeling confident at the time! But it’s like the Beach Boys feeling great over their new hot album, and then their jaws drop when they hear “Sgt. Pepper.” This “oh … that’s how it’s done” comes over. And I dropped everything when I saw you. And I swear I said, “WOW!!” out loud. Again, for the millionth time. And in my own voice I heard the sound of unbelievable wonder and just a trace of pain. It’s mind-boggling how beautiful you are. I have to laugh, because I catch myself saying it. The “wow” is an unconscious thing. It just comes out of me. You always rise to the top. Anyone who ever messes with you should listen to “She’s Gonna Make It” by Garth Brooks! I don’t know, that song just entered my head. You out-beauty, you out-fox, you out-cool – everybody. You’re always the winner so best to concede that – up front – from the beginning! It’s no issue, because you always come first. For me. And so many others. By the time a hot track reaches Siberia, it’s already uncool. Thankfully, you’re timeless. You set  your own rules. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. Some things just never change, do they? 😉 I like it this way. I mean … it *is* Siberia. It’s kinda cold. News of you gets here pretty late. But a heart connection doesn’t worry over distance. And you, a day late, is better than anything that comes right away. You’re magnificent today. Oops, I mean yesterday! But I’m sure you are today, too. I mean, you’re *you*, after all.  ☀️🥰🍀