I don’t know what it is. Just not sleeping too well. I wanted to write this morning …  I wasn’t going to write so late. But, it’s got to be said! You’re the most spectacular girl in the world. Okay, a woman, yes! But you’re the eternal girl to me. Like that heavenly platonic form. You’re *everything* I ever imagined a girl to be. So beautiful and so strong and so warm. Gentle, and overwhelming. I see your face in every advertisement, and think, “They’d sell a lot more if it were her.” You’re everything people ache for so deeply. You. The most beautiful girl in the world. Worth saying over and over. It gets me back like a placeholder. You’re always where I leave off, and find myself again. When you’re a hundred and two, you’ll still be that girl to me. Of course, I’ll be dead. But you get the idea! It’s something you can’t lose. No, it’s something you can’t shake. And why would you want to? You’re me dreaming of wearing new clothes I bought last spring that I’ve never worn, picturing an autumn hayride with you. Gently lifting off some hay that got caught on your sweater. Of course it will never happen. But the dream keeps me moving nonetheless. All those things I never really got to do. I picture every one of them, being with you. A first kiss. A walk through the North End. Probably losing the strongman contest at the carnival, so slipping the barker a hundred to just give me the oversized teddy bear. To give to you. Any avenue is a beautiful avenue, if it leads to you. I’m brought back to my very first dreams when I think of you. Skipping right past all the junk in the middle to when I was so young and the world was so new. I’m *right* there, every time I think of you. You make me so young inside. I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you are. I never will again. You’re the perfect girl. You’re perfect just as you are. I know you’re all sorts of successful things in the big world that can hardly be measured, but please let me have this. Let me look at you. And be lost in the girl that you are. You, on a porch swing, where as far as the eye can see are fields of amber and dandelions and daffodils, under a blue sky that’s perfect save for one puffy cloud. To remind we’re in the real world after all. And there’s lemonade and you staring off and taking a deep breath. And me, staring at you, and taking a deep breath, too. I shake a little. I simply can’t believe how beautiful you are. It simply can’t be real. And yet, there you are. You’re everything I ever dreamed of. I swear the dream was real before I was. However far I go back, it goes a step before me. Your hair is like fire that’s been tamed, but only slightly. It’s just contained. Your eyes are bigger than anything they could take in. Of all the beauty around you. You devour them and it fills you up. Lesser men you chew up and you spit them out. I’m lucky to be in one piece. Sometimes the most beautiful things have a violence. In the way a diamond is formed. If there’s any part placid in you, it was created out of the storm. Anyone who falls so in love with you had better know what he’s getting into. “You may never make it back, son.” That’s okay, you say. She’s where I belong. Let her eat me up and cast me out. Let her do whatever it is she pleases. I was made for something like this of hers. Let the world see the ravages, while I only consider her, the world’s most beautiful girl. You were made of fire, after all. And winds unforgiving. But you’re also made of earth and water. You’re nourishing, to a soul, when all else is for naught. Let me lose myself in you. I know you’re so important. I know you’re a titan in the world. But let me shed loose myself here in you, on a porch swing swinging, as you sip your lemonade. And your eyes take in everything around you. Oh, your eyes. It’s where it’s all happening. All your secrets and longings. They give away nothing. But, boy, do they sure hint at something. And every muscle in my body weakens and loosens. I’m a puddle on the floor. You’re used to that by now. It’s what you do. But thankfully I still look somewhat put together when you cast your glance my way. And I say something stupid like, “Hi! Do you want some more lemonade?” except I’m breathing in as I say it and not out! And in that moment, your eyes light up, as if saying, “He’s such a foolish boy. I hope he’s never changed.” And all I’m thinking is, “She such a goddess. Oh, God, please don’t mess this up.” Just be quiet and sit by her. Here’s the porch and here’s the swing, and there’s the field and there’s the sky. Blue as her eyes. And yet she’s filling the whole space of everything I see. She’s bigger than all of it, all together, actually. I feel her like I’ve never felt anything. Your face is the most beautiful face I have ever seen, or will ever see again. Even after I’m gone, they won’t be making any like yours. You’re a once-in-forever model. Better get used to the idea. My life is in your hands. In a moment like this one. And it’s like you know it. You become someone so ethereal. And quiet. And smiling. As as if in on a little joke, one that I’ll never hear. Maybe I’m the punchline. But you’re so gentle somehow. Like that hole in the middle of the storm. I guess they call it the eye. Circles are the way into you. Of all your wonder and surprise. You hypnotize. You suss out a heart with your inner feelers. And if I’m sitting here at all it’s because you saw something in me I can hardly see myself. I’m too close to it. But something in you must say it’s okay. To be sitting so close to you, after all. I know you’re a big deal. I know you’re so important. But let me have this. These little moments. Where all there is the most beautiful girl. Beside someone so nervous. And trying his best to look cool. You’re an angel. You’re so spellbinding. You’re the platonic form. Even Plato, I am sure of it, would say, “Oh, wow! She’s something so much bigger than I imagined. She *is* the most beautiful girl in the world.” And I agree. Wholeheartedly. You’re a miracle to me. I really can’t understand how there can be anyone so beautiful as you are. But, there you are. Just for today, please be that girl for me. On a porch swing. Doing my best not to spill lemonade on your dress. Catching my fingers trembling, so I insert them under my legs. To sit with you and look out into the blue. And think, “Her eyes are even brighter.” Maybe I can steal a look when she’s not looking. But, you see everything, I know. You, the most beautiful gift, the most beautiful girl who ever was. You. Sitting here, with me, and smiling. In a place where wishes come true. ❤️    

Happy Tuesday afternoon! I know you’ll be so wonderful today. You’re so important. There’d be a huge chasm left if you weren’t here for us right now. You’re treasured. 🍀  

“THERE SHE IS!!” is on amazon – search ‘todd demartinis’ … 

Just an inconsequential Tuesday rambling, a little later in the day than usual! You’re sunshine. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. Thank you letting me have that. ☀️🥰  

You’re a star shining. 🌟