“Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” is like “Chinatown” (the latter I only recently saw for first time). I can’t shake either one. They stay with me days after viewing it, wrestling with something in it. Even learning something about my own personality and self-image and coming to terms with it. To me that’s how I judge if a film is great. In a similar way, it goes with her, too. She’s so much bigger than any film could ever be! But she sticks with me for days. Days that become weeks that become months that become years. … And you wrestle with yourself. You learn about yourself. Ways in which you’ve deluded yourself for decades! It’s about someone you’ve always pictured yourself to be, and it’s about who you are. And it’s about coming to terms with things, and being at peace. It’s a lot of fighting and aching and pain and getting to the bottom of things. Maybe sometimes you need someone so beautiful who can serve as a mirror of sorts. That north star in the sky. But you come out better. A lot of pain has been found over the months, of going down deep, and of reopening old wounds. Scratching at the scabs. Reliving it all to get a realistic picture of “who” I’ve been my whole life. Separating the “is” from “what I want to be.” And finally there is healing. There’s that peace! A bit like Brad Pitt, and not Leonardo, in “Once Upon a Time …” That realization of knowing who you are and being okay with it. In fact, as crazy as the idea could ever seem, falling in love with yourself if even just a little bit. Because it’s something real the love can cling to, and not some illusion of yourself you’ve built upon some tower so high. There’s a beauty in being small. When you’re small you can treat others around you as if they’re taller. And a little better. Because you don’t have anything to prove. Not anymore. You’ve made peace with your demons. Not by fighting them. But by giving them the proper time to be heard. And you realize all your devils are your own creation. They’re only a part of you you’ve forced into the dark. We can be so unkind at the very same time we idolize the Mr. Rogers among us. So we learn to stop all this idolization and the pedestals, and just give the love where it’s needed. A little less time worshipping and a little more time inhabiting. To spread love into the dark corners, both outside and within. Maybe that’s what it’s all been about. I don’t know. But I feel a little freer today. A little more like Brad Pitt and less like Leo – in that film, that is! I simply mean the essence of the characters played, flaws and all. The thing people loved about an Elvis movie was he happily strode with his guitar into town, singing a song, and magical bands out of nowhere would pipe up! When he lost all his dough in Viva Las Vegas, he replied to a stunned Ann-Margret, “It’s only money.” “Only money?? Do you know how hard it is to make??” And deep down we would all love to be that Elvis riding into town. “Easy come, easy go!” Not a worry in the world. That’s the real spirituality when you get down to it! It’s only a movie, maybe because it’s pretty hard to do! That disruption of your ego, that wrestling, those nights in the dark. All so you can end smiling when somebody presses you where there used to be a button. Your identity, your personality, doesn’t hinge on hangings that can fall off the wall. It’s more an empty space, so there’s little to disrupt. Through all the dealing with devils you’ve been whittled down to realize just how small you really are. By telling your devils, I understand, I love you, but now I can let you go, you’ve risen. You’ve risen so much taller than before. You couldn’t ever succeed when you tried to come to blows. Or do it with fire. And it never worked to ignore. You’d sooner or later hear that knock from your soul, and the old familiar answer, “That’s me coming up, son.” The bile that you ignored. You had to take the underground routes that rats use. You had to visit the sewers. But now it’s morning, and you’re above ground. There are flowers and lovely fields of grass! And a freeing forgiving breeze in the air. And you breathe it all in deep. All that wrestling and all that pain! But now there’s something gained. Not in a material way. If anything you’re lighter! Like taking off old layers of clothes that never fit quite right anyway. And now you practically float! Far fewer devils are holding you down. You had to go through the dark to truly come to the light. And you smile a little easier. You forgive a little more effortlessly. When you accidentally drop a dime down the sewer, lo and behold it comes more naturally to hear yourself say, “It’s only money.” And the devils aren’t pressing you so hard today to be heard. Your dragons have been slaughtered, and not by a sword. Simply by being heard. By going down deep with them and asking how they work. What it is they’re trying to say. Why are they trying so hard to be heard? You can fake it through a day, but they show up in a nightmare. “That’s me coming up again.” Sometimes you have to take the hard way to get there. It all depends on how deep it goes. But all those days of suffering have had this great worth. They all served such a great purpose. You realize all the light and all the darkness, well, it’s all a part of you. That devil wasn’t somebody else, it was you. But the light is surely you, too! Surely you can’t have shadow without the light. They work together. It’s all this magnificently wonderful spiritual adventure! And they all love you, what’s in the shadows and what’s in the light. Because, in their own ways, they want to make you better. But only you can do the work. Only you can fight that fight. A fight of letting go. A fight of forgiveness. A fight of finding peace. Without fists or swords. Allowing this carving up inside you. It hurts, but the reward is the diamond from the coal. It’s about peace, not perfection. Because you are already loved so deeply. So immensely. For whatever angels and devils there be. Both are singing in your beautiful symphony. You’re worthy, and you’re loved. And you are so preciously and lovingly embraced. You are worthy, and you are loved. You hear it again. And today you have some peace. ❤️