Ah!! There was a click!! Or two or three!! And my post got a few!! I love so much to imagine that it’s you! I feel like it is. I feel like maybe a part of you is like, “I know what I want, but there’s a part of me that needs something.” I know that’s a little bold! But it warms me because it’s like, “Yay! Maybe I *do* offer something to her!!” That’s all I ever wanted. So I started in on another! You know how I am! I’ve got to keep this going! I feel guilty if a day goes by and you look in the bag, and, pfttt, *nothing!!* So, there are like two ways they happen. One is just pure bliss of gushing!! Usually I just a need a set-up and I’m off and running!! Most often it’s when I catch you on the screen! That’s pure heaven for me! What results probably isn’t very artistic to say the least. Just pure unadulterated gushing with my fingers flying!! Yay!!! The other one is when I just sit and breathe for a while. I try so hard to decipher if there’s anything I could say to you – or in your direction – that would be worthwhile. When it’s “good” (hopefully) I usually have a clue because they just roll out of me effortlessly. Some days are harder. If you looked at my screen, you’d see fragments of sentences, and a note, “You can’t write she’s beautiful *again!!*” … So here we go again. … 

Know you’re loved so tremendously much! Breathe it, feel it deeply in your bones. Many can’t express. Some aren’t the emotional types. Maybe thinking crying is for babies. All of that. But *right* underneath all of that is a river. That flows so gently and beautifully and is constantly giving. It’s like that holding of someone’s hand at the end, and you realize that’s the only thing that has meaning. That knowledge is always there all along. Underneath it all. Whatever you didn’t get, it was felt for you. Some people just have trouble expressing it. Some of us are kinda on the other end of the spectrum, ahem! But only for you. Only for you does it come rushing out! With such enthusiasm and loving! Know some key others in your life love you in this same way. There just might have been a few blockages in the pipes. It was about them, never about you. I act tough sometimes. I’m a good actor! But I’m a big fat baby when it comes to you! I see your face, or sometimes I swear I just pick up on your energy! And I’m filled with all this warmth and sunlight – like I really *feel* it emanating all over me! – and sometimes there’s a tear or two that comes with it. It’s the best feeling to let it all out! Even if you’re all alone if it ever comes over you! You know it’s all cultural stuff. But even John Wayne cried. There’s not a tough guy alive who hasn’t. If there are a few, eeeehhhh, I don’t know! Are those the people you really truly want to know? It’s cleansing and healing. You bring out everything. I have a gentleness I never had before. So many hard edges smoothed out. You’re going to be great!! Don’t worry about a thing! Don’t ever worry if you’re doing the right thing! Your heart will know. You might never worry at all! I don’t know! But you’re so young in my eyes. And although you are light years ahead of me at *any* age, I remember what a boy I was at 31 (I know what it is, but I always would knock off a couple with you in my mind, and you look 21 anyway). It took such bravery for you to do what you did! You’re *so* brave. For you, it’s a daily thing. It’s who you are. So much braver than me. Even when you get scared, that makes you *ten times* braver! You know what I mean? But it will all be okay. *That* I feel all the time when it comes to you. I can’t even *imagine* a dream so big as to marry you!!! If I could only have one dream in the whole entire world, that would be the one!! It’s a dream so HUGE (!!!!) I can’t even hold the idea completely in my mind! It spills over like a waterfall trying to fill a bucket!! And the camps are split over your desire to have kids! One party says, “Yes! She feels like her clock is ticking!” The other says, “No. She’s totally fine and she so loves her career.” Me? Mr. Big Intuition? We’ve seen how I’m like the Great Wizard hiding behind the curtain on that one! So, I really don’t know! I’d love to know! I’d die to know!!! AH!!! To be *friends* with you!! I’d only have to ask! I could go right to the source!! Right *there* is an ultimate dream!!! But I really have no clue. I *kinda* side with the latter? Like, maybe with you, babies are not the driving force of your existence? But, I don’t know. I’d love you at 102, so you can see that’s not really part of any equation for me. But I wonder so much what must it be like to be you. To have done so much! And risen so far! And so fast, really! And what it’s like when it’s quiet, and what it’s like in your heart of heart of hearts. The thoughts you sometimes think. Ah, to be curled up in there!! There’s not a thought in the *world* you could think that would ever make me love you less. Whether it’s crazy or wildly perverse!! There is nothing that would shock me, or ever make me feel anything less than pure crazy unbridled joy over you. And I’d never say a word, of course. For as much as I ramble here, to ever have your trust would be my greatest ambition. I’d hold it lock and key, and not even under torture would I ever divulge a word of it, I swear!! Because to have that joy to know you trusted me with *something!* Anything!! I’d feel this pride like a little kid when being trusted with something all grown up!! To show you I mean what I say, and to prove it to you. Oh, I just want to love you!! That’s it, that’s all!! Even just as your goofy, weird friend that you know somewhere! “There’s this guy in Boston who’s just crazy about me, and once in a blue moon it’s fun to get over to him and we talk for hours, sometimes about nothing at all.” And the look in his eyes when he’s looking at me, I don’t know what it is, but there’s something so reassuring. It’s a little of this feeling of coming home in a way. Okay, I put that out of air quotes or quotation fingers, because now I’m just dreaming again haha. Can you see how a guy can lost for hours just in awe of you? To get lost in thought bubbles of you and test the walls and the floors and the ceilings, and see if they push out? To some new idea, and it’s “oooooh, I never thought of that! Sitting on a porch with her when I get that ranch! And those long silences that never ever have to be filled. There’s a comfort all around us. It’s this warm feeling that fits like a glove.” And on and on and on. Wow, I was only going to write three sentences tonight, I swear! … So, where was I? God only knows!! Something about worry. Well, *don’t!* Whatever it was! You’re in great hands!! You’re the most beautiful girl who ever *ever* was!! And is!! You are!! And that’s never ever going to change at all. So, marriage and babies and “what ifs” and “what did I do’s!” You’re right where you’re supposed to be. Where the needle is playing on the record of your life! If it’s great, you’ll know it! If it’s not, you’ll move to the next track! There are *no* mistakes. There are no failures. Not with you! Not with your life! You’re Kate *——s!!! You do Taylor one better!! Every part of your life adds to your splendor. Every event shapes you, and reveals you! You learn new things about what you want and what you need. It’s what it’s all about. Sometimes you’ll add more things. Other times it’s more a stripping away and revealing. Being even more in touch with your heart of hearts. But you’re loved every step of the way!! I’d die to be your father!! I’m not above dressing as your mother!! To be a brother might be a little tough unless we’re in Alabama!! To be your friend, it all ends and begins right there! That’s the main event in the concourse of dreams!! To be your husband, oh Lord, they’d have to wheel me in. One, I’d be a hundred and three by the time life worked out if ever to become a reality. Or two, I’d be thankfully younger but would have a stroke on the altar. Yeah, that dream is even a little too big for me to dream!! I mean, it’s YOU!!! AH!!!! I’d have some prose I’d have written with my hands trembling too much to read them. And I’d be saying to myself, “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t embarrass her” … but who wouldn’t cry when it comes to you? You’re everything. You’re the most spectacular girl in the world. You really are. You’re amazing. … Well, this post served no purpose! It’s all over the place and rambling!! I guess just know you’re loved. If I feel this way, you can multiply it by a million. You’re the girl of *so* many people’s dreams. Because you’re real. You’re genuine. You don’t put on false airs. And yet you rise above everything. People see you, that *real* you deep inside. Not in a Wizard of Oz ‘let me put on my magic cap’ kind of way. It’s just felt coming off of you. You have *such* magic about you. And you’re SO beautiful, it’s impossible to successfully express in words. No matter how many attempts, it’s like trying to squeeze the sun into a little room in my mind. You’re too big to comprehend. So people try to express you in little posts at a time. And it’s bliss, I promise you. You’re never too big a girl not to cry! To heck with Frankie Valli! If it ever comes over you, don’t stop it. Just let it breathe out of you. I promise you’ll feel such healing. If you ever worry, know you have SO many people who love you it’s impossible to count them! From all walks of life, from every post and political stripe and religion. They’re all just souls underneath. Wishing you well, and carrying you along if ever requested. Secret agent angels on every corner! There is *nothing* in your DNA that could ever be construed as failure! It’s awe inspiring simply to behold you. I mean, AH!!!!!! Look at you!!!! You’re Kate freakin’ *——s!!!! You can do no wrong!!! That’s how people feel, I promise you!! The only person you ever have to please is yourself. On behalf of everyone, we love you!!! 

Happy week ahead!!! I’m trying to just take a *brief* respite from the morning routine tomorrow morning to work out (I know, I know, we’ve heard this before!), and I’m *terrfied* that the change will result in writer’s block! If so, just give it a day or so!! Somehow I have a feeling it will come back!! “So do I …” 🙃💗  

ps —  if you ever send me an email, please don’t let it be to that fb one where I’m cheesily flexing or something in the year 2008! I got in only to get locked out again! And I’d die thinking you ever sent one there and I’d never know it!!! “Not a worry, friend!” I know, I know!! But just the *thought* of it could drive a man crazy! The never knowing if one is waiting there. So don’t, lol! I just had to be sure, lol.  …

Happy week ahead!!! (okay, said that twice – a little dizzy.) I’ll try to catch in bits and pieces!! If there’s something you want me gushing over, put it on your google machine maybe! *Oh! I can’t see retweets of yours! Or likes or any of that! Only fresh tweets! Just so you know, ahem!* Really trying so hard to do the work to be a better person! Somehow I’m discovering that means a *little* less TV!!! You’re so beautiful there are no words. “And yet you wrote a thousand.” 1,800 *pages*, actually. But who’s counting!!! *That’s* what you do to men!! Everywhere. 🥰☀️🌟